Anyone who saw the incident would surely conclude - like I have - that there was very little Hurn could have done. Stewart, like Hurn, was going for the ball. Stewart erred by slipping, which meant he bore the brunt of Hurn's intent for the ball. Stewart has not escaped unscathed, but his injuries will not prevent him from representing his club this weekend. Hurn will miss the next fortnight, through no real fault of his own.
That the incident was physical is not in question, but I have issues with it being called rough. Hurn may have knocked his opponent unconscious, but he (Hurn) is a large man both extremely solid and extremely agile. If it were not his clear intention to minimise contact with Stewart, then I think he could have caused far greater injury. Get a bloke who weights 100 kilos to run at you with malicious intent and see what happens. Trust me, a broken nose and a headache would be the least of your problems.
Now, short of abandoning his pursuit of the ball, I don't know what Hurn was really expected to do. It bothers me that the AFL do not see that they have created a logical quandary, where neither of the only two options available to a player are acceptable. I mean, if you have to decide not to try and get the ball because you might hurt your opponent, then it's surely time to stop pretending that footy is still a contact sport. Of course, it's still physical; soccer is physical; but the fact remains that there was once a difference between the two codes signified by more than simply the use of one's hands or the average quantity of goals scored. Now, the difference seems largely discernible only by the weather in which each code is played. That, to put it bluntly, sucks.
I like my footy played with some degree of body contact. I am not advocating a return to the bad old days where blokes slugged each other indiscriminately, but I do not want footy to become a slightly more anarchic and adroit version of basketball. That might work for some folks, but it will not work for me.
And yet, I recognise that we live in the oxymoronic age of professional sport, which apparently is the justification for penalising the inevitable. (I don't think Dimwitriou knows a lot about mine sites as work-places, but I'll set that aside for now.) So, perhaps the issue is one of awareness. To that end, I propose that players be allowed to knock the stuffing out of one another, with the proviso that they provide their opponents with a written declaration of the intent to inflict physical harm prior to doing so.
Now, I'm sure this will slow the game down a little. But that's ok. Test cricket takes five days, and that seems to work just fine. To be honest, I can see far more gain than loss. I mean, just think of this simple practicality; those folk currently serving as runners will also need to become both scribes and postmen (or postwomen), which will no doubt bring to them increased remuneration commensurate with increased responsibilities. No complaints from them, I'd wager.
Initially, I think the real winners will be the players. I mean, look at a bloke like Barry Hall. I don't care what they say down at Dog-land; you can't tell me that Big, Bad Bazza isn't just itching to snot someone any chance he gets. Now, you'd think that anyone in line for one of Barry's love pats would decline the chance to receive one, if given the opportunity. But to reach such a conclusion would be to apply the logic of a sensible person, rather than a footballer. Footballers, you see, don't think like normal people. For them to refuse a request by someone requesting to be allowed to sock them one would be the height of bad manners. You want to biff me? Please, I insist! Just tell me where to stand, and I'll be there. That's how a footy player worth his salt would respond.
So, not only will players continue to be able to biff each other to their hearts' content, they'll learn a few pointers about etiquette whilst they're at it, about which, if we're honest, they're clearly learning sod-all right now. It takes a bit of thought - at least it ought to - to artfully compose a request to give some other chap a bunch of fives. To that end, I sincerely hope time and money is set aside for compositional training, and for there to be tribunal hearings (and sanctions if necessary) for those who just get their scribe to place a question mark next to a circled picture (of the biff-ee-to-be) and make their X illegibly. No, under my new regime, actuall formalities must needs be exchanged.
In fact, it could be quite the spectacle for fans, if each solemn request for a bit of argey-bargey be writ large on the big screens, with the accompanying oohs and ahhs, and careful analysis from expert commentators, whose ranks will need to expand to include a literary expert, unless of course Dennis Cometti is in the box. (Don't forget: Daily Dennis.) I can hear it now, an earnest voice opining on how a particular player's use of "sincerely" rather than his customary "faithfully" is surely a sign of his profound wish to give his opponent a right seeing to. It'll add a real literary zest to a game that for too long has floundered belly-up at the shallow end of inter-personal communication. And imagine the anticipation for spectators, knowing that later today, Player X is finally going to deliver to Player Y his long-promised bop to to the noggin. Honestly, I'd pay to see that.
It's either let the players get on with playing a full contact sport, or allow this obsession with professionalism to actually transform the game into something new. A game that embraces change (via more rule alterations than I thought possible) whist simultaneously denying it is sure to tear itself apart before too long.
To return to the incident that sparked this blog, there was bugger all Shannon Hurn could have done. In my new regime, perhaps a post-dated card (the kind with which one might send belated birthday wishes) will be sufficient, providing it doesn't happen too often. Still, I hope that with his time off, Hurn can send a few letters in time for him to be able to dish out the kind of punishment that will likely reflect his considerable frustration at having to twiddle his thumbs for a fornight after simply continuing with his intention (and right) to get hold of the ball.
But I am nothing if not an adherent to that which I propose. If all responses to my new scheme could be received by Thursday at the latest, that would be appreciated. And lastly, to Dwayne Russell (if you're reading), consider yourself notified. I'm coming for you. With kind regards.
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