Swimming & Running - A Lateralist Critique

I don't know if you've noticed, but when the worlds of swimming and running are held to mutual account, there are some disturbing anomalies which have gone on for far too long. I for one think it's time that whether one is traversing air or liquid, that there be some sort of consistency. Let me explain.

Take the 100m sprint, for example. People try to get to one end of the set distance to the other, as fast as they can. Simple enough, right? But compare the 100m run, (and it's always a run) to the 100m events offered in swimming. In swimming, one can use no less than four different strokes! To me, this makes no sense at all, and it's high time all bar the fastest (i.e. freestyle) are abandoned as inefficient.

Or, three new modes of movements are going to need to be created for covering the distance of 100m on land. Don't get me wrong; there are some potentially enticing options. I like the idea of the 100m hop, or, to offer an even greater connection to swimming, the 100m backwards run. (A little dangerous, perhaps, but great for spectators.) Or better yet, why not just move freestyle onto land, and see how long it takes folk to drag themselves 100m across a rubber track?

If all this seems a bit silly, I can assure you it's no more incomprehensible than the current situation. Right now, freestyle is effectively subsidising the other strokes. And Lord knows why people would want to watch people voluntarily going slower than they could.

Of course, someone is bound to come back with the point that when we turn to longer athetic distances, there is the option of walking as well as running. I hope someone points this out, because frankly, I think it only serves to further underline the validity of my argument. Walking, as an athletic event, is stupid.

Now, it must be admitted that as well as being able to run 100m, there is also the option of hurdling 110m. There is a crucial difference here; people are still electing to run, it's just that with the addition of hurdles, they are also obliged to jump. This is fine, and perfectly transferrable to the pool environment. I'd have no problem with people wanting to bung a few obstacles into the pool. A hoop or two, so swimmers can find their inner porpoise. Hell, it'd be fine if they were to drop the water to near freezing, so there's a few small 'bergs floating about for folk to dodge, or if they heated it up a whole lot. Trust me, when the water's steaming, no bastard in his right mind it going to opt for breastroke....

A little equality and efficiency, that's all I ask. The only problem is that my mind keeps picturing the backwards hurdles. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad after all.....