Why is it that so many of the people of Perth, when using an escalator, haven't developed the basic common sense and courtesy necessary for them stand close to the left hand side of it in order that folks in a hurry - or who just aren't bone lazy - are able walk up the thing whilst free of obstruction?
Part of me longs to decree that these blithely indifferent folks ought to be shoved aside at will, or even pushed over the side, but that is unbecoming.
Instead, I propose the following. If you find your way blocked by a person or persons, find a way to irritate them. Should you possess the natural ability, I'd fart or belch with as much vigour as you can muster. That'll probably get them moving. (But hopefully not you, too. Remember, don't strain to make your point.)
But if you don't possess the requisite bodily control, you should invest in one of those cans of horn used to define the quarters at junior footy games. A short, sharp blast - and if necessary, a sustained one - should get them moving.
But if they still don't budge, please fret not. Wait until they get to the top. Then take a moment to size up their direction. Once you know where they're headed, quickly dart in front of them. And stop. Odds are, they'll frown, then walk round you. Once they do, dart in front them again. And stop.
I recommend doing this at least twenty-six times. Eventually, they'll probably ask you what on earth you're doing. At that point, you can give them a crash course in Pedestrian Travel 101. If you're foresighted enough to have brought with you diagrams and possibly an overhead projector, they'll likely grasp the salient points in under an hour.
If not, chat to them at length about the virtues of online shopping. With any luck, they'll love it, and will waddle home only to never leave their houses again. And you can skip your way to the top like Maria von Trapp.
Together, we can make a difference.
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