Lateral Communication

I have a mobile phone. I quite like it. I don't like to the same extent that some people I know like their iPhone, but I like it nevertheless. For the record, I do not have an iPhone. I'm not against them, nor do I yearn to own one; I just don't have one. Perhaps one day, if ever they make one that isn't considered flawed, I might just decide to get one.

I find it useful, assuming of course that carrying round in my pocket hasn't (or won't) give me testicular cancer. These days, I keep my phone in my drawer. It's not glued to my ear; in fact, I probably text with it more than I speak into it.

To that end, I reckon I could do without it, if I implement a particular lateralist solution.

I'm not anti-phone as such; I just think they're an unnecessary expense. The drive to upgrade them is relentless, and the pile of junk created from superseded phones an ever-growing problem. So, I think that rather than keep chasing that particular dragon, I think that it's high time we brought back the pigeon.

The carrier pigeon is symbol of simpler times. When the world moved a bit more slowly. Frankly, I see no problem at all in returning the pace of our daily lives to something a bit more sedate. We live in a world where the instant is equated directly with relevance and value, which is a nonsense. The more immediate information is, the more likely it is to be of peripheral importance, to be honest. News and information that endures isn't dependent on when, but what.

So, rather than have an electronic device, powered by a mercury (or lithium) cell, why not get a bird, powered by seed? I can see it now; the sky, a feathery highway of messages, arching gently, and delivery a message with a real twitter, or whatever you call that noise pigeons make.

And they'd be harder to use on trains, buses, and of course, in cinemas and restaurants, which I think would be a much-needed boon for our society as a whole.

Of course, pigeons are but one option. There are many birds out there, and, in our age of brand competition, why not give the other species a go? In fact, why not give yourself a veritable aviary of options. For that simple, "Do you want to catch up for dinner?" message, by all means dispatch the pigeon. But for that lengthy diatribe against Tony Abbott, you might need to press the carrier pelican into service to lug that particular scroll across the suburbs.

We're often told that technology is our friend, and that it makes the world a better place. I think we're told that so often, in order to ensure that we're perhaps more disinclined to question the actual truth of that sentiment than we ought to be. So, let's get back to nature a little, by putting nature to work. Now, that's what I call the good old days.

And if you think that what I'm proposing seems too hard, then here's a suggestion; talk to someone in ear-shot. I know that interpersonal communications are a bit old school, but it really does work. Trust me. And I'll tell you about my idea that will revolutionise radio broadcasts the next chance I get. I'd do it now, but my cat is trying to eat my phone-bird, which is making it (the phone-bird) excrete in panic.

Changing the world can be messy, but someone's got to do it.