There's a cricket advertisement from KFC which once more reveals just how stupid the advertising world really is. In the advertisement, Doug "thatched roof" Bollinger is steaming in to bowl when he is interrupted by a distinctly American-sounding organ riff being played.
Understandably, he curtails his run-up, and looks around for the source of the noise. The camera cuts from person to person, before settling on the familiar faces of Bill Lawry and Tony Grieg, who, after a few seconds, look behind them to see a fat klansman (i.e. Colonel Sanders) fingering his tiny organ. It is at this point that we hear the slogan, "it's just not cricket without colonel".
Let's examine this pitch. You'd think that if cricket and KFC had some kind of established relationship, the whole advertisement probably shouldn't have been built around the notion of KFC and its American-themed "culture" being so utterly incongruous with one another, that the game can't proceed when the KFC-themed music kicks in. I mean, if they they were joined at the hip, would Doug-the-Rug really have aborted his run-up and thrown his arms in the air in a "what-the-f*ck-is-going-on" way? Probably not.
To be fair, I don't blame Bill and Tony for being somewhat bemused that a corpulent redneck playing a kid's keyboard has gatecrashed the commentary box. That said, given that it took these veteran campaigners so long to twig that he was there, is perhaps a sign that retirement beckons for them both. It certainly explains why Tony's commentary in particular only meshes with what's happening on the ground in unconvincing fits and starts; it seems the poor bugger can neither see nor hear anymore.
Despite the best efforts over the years from the likes of Warnie, Boonie, Big Merv and the sadly neglected Greg "Fat Cat" Ritchie, Australian Cricket and KFC have never really had all that much to do with one another. I'm not saying that's good or bad; I'm just saying that's how it is.
But I think if sports are going to continue to forge sponsorship alliances with fast food, alcohol franchises and the like, then I think they should go all the way. I'd like to see the Australian team be obliged to consume a family bucket of the Colonel's finest every day. Each. Then we'll really see how well cricket and KFC can really get on.
Whilst I'm genuinely committed to this idea, I'm prepared to hold off on demanding its immediate implementation if Shaun Marsh is given an apology and a spot in Australia's World Cup squad. And the Test Squad, while we're at it.
Of course, that may mean that there will be a lot of a surplus KFC lying around. Not to worry; I have a solution. Andrew Hilditch can eat it. Given his clearly fact-adjacent ability to deduce from Australia's shellacking in the Ashes that he and his fellow selectors had "done a good job", I'm sure he'll be able to convince himself that he's eating healthily, even as he visibly gains weight in real time.
As for the maligned Michael Clarke, he should have listened to that kid's coaching advice. His footwork is about as classy as a KFC snack box. Hang on; maybe cricket and KFC have something in common after all....
Oddly enough, that ad has been pissing me off to the extent that I was thinking of doing a blog deconstruction of it myself. Thanks for saving me the bother.
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